It struck me this evening, while watching the latest couple of episodes from the brilliantly conceptualised, if now comedically drawn out, Prison Break, that the show is written by some truly sadistic people. Ok, maybe I enjoy the pain of having cliffhanger (Sly rocks) after cliffhanger to end each episode…I choose to watch next week…but why must the writing team inflict so many horrifically annoying characters? This season seems to take the precedent set earlier one step further.

The precedent to which I refer was this guy. It is no secret my hatred for try-hards, and this guy was one of the best. For those that have seen Prison Break from the start and kept watching, you know that each season they must come up with some kind of ever-present force constantly pushing the gang into more and more treachorous areas – enter Bill Kim, the representative from the oooh ever so scary ‘company’. Every time this douche bag entered the scene, my groans could be heard ’round the world. He was far from tough, miles from being intimidating, leagues from having any cunning, and was a complete and utter waste of a character. But I kept watching.

Check out the gratuitously awesome shot of her boob!

Last season the genius’ behind the show failed when trying to attempt the most dangerous act in the art of writing a badass character – they made it a sheila. Now, don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of badass chicks in good movies and TV shows, but this one, well, she tried so hard I saw her at one point try to piss standing up – just to fit in of course. Taking the shoes of the initimidating company ‘badass’ was Grechen, the totally hardcore, yet also quite do-able villain to ruin any chance a chick might have playing such a role. Look at the publicity photo for crying out loud. Awesome boob-age but honestly, I can’t take her seriously if I want to bone her.

I am sure I saw some atrocious zombie movie with that Hispanic Lesbo from lost in it…Rodriguez?…and she is the King of chicks trying WAY too hard to be tough. And this Grechen babe, well, she is her queen. Fucking joke of a character.

Enter Wyatt, the 2008 version of the Company Model Badass. When I thought it couldn’t get any worse, it did. Much worse. Just have a look at this peanut. Did he take the whole ‘badass showing no emotion’ thing a step to far into the realm of comedy? This guy is a complete and utter wanker, who is not intimidating, worthy of fear or trepidation. Just look at him! He spends half the time answering his company phone in monotone voice just to annoy me. The rest of the show he walks around slowly as if he is fucking Jason Vorhees for Santa’s sake! My god. He could quite possibly be the reason I don’t watch this show ever again. I am desperately looking forward to him getting killed off so I can rid myself of this pain.

“Check out this awesome beached whale clip”

But wait, theres more! Not content with raiding the badass assassin closet of tricks, the powers that be over at Prison Break HQ they would open up the most used box of tricks in Hollywig today – the box of geek. Ok, we need a computer geek. Asian? Check. Wise-cracking? Check. His he too cool for school and his mum says he is handsome too? Check. Makes you vomit everytime he opens his mouth to offer his two cents of Hollywig geek? Check *bluuuuurgh*. Funny thing is the rest of the gang hate him as well. My god, if you are listening, after bringing me a bang-maid with the body of Elisha Cuthbert, please strike down some vengeance on that Hollwig trick box. Please. (I’ll take the bang-maid first).

I guess you may wonder why in the name of wide wide world of sports I continue to watch this show. Its simple really – despite its flaws, it is still a quality show, with some pretty damn large bank behind it that gives it a polish many yearn for. The concept was brilliant. As soon as they escaped in season one I knew I wouldn’t be able to help myself and see where they take it. Hopefully they also took a toke from the ‘lets end while we can still maintain our dignity pipe’ that so many shows ignore.

// Took a abit longer than I expected…I went to Tassie for a week and am now in love with the sheer taste sensation you get from KING ISLAND BEEF! Best. Steak. Ever.

This entry was posted on Thursday, October 23rd, 2008 at 9:59 pm and is filed under tv. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.